VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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