In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are the jesus of drinking
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
