haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
