A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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