if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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