You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
