it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
