how can u be prego again
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
