I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
