you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
