I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
