On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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