the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
