I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
