I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
