He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
