Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
