I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
and you fell through a lawn chair
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
