if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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