Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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