It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
