listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
should my penis look like a turkey
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
