So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
