i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
