So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
