Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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