I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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