Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
