I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
