I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
