I need help removing her.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
