Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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