just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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