ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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