Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
