Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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