I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
