I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I party with great urgency now.
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