Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
