sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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