what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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