the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
