it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
