cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
