Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he puts the penis in happiness.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
