i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
