either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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