shes about as inviting as chlamydia
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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