I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
