Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
